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Divergent opinions have been shared after Lagos-based clergyman, Kingsley Okonkwo, shared his thoughts on marriage.
The clergyman wrote that the bible never advised people to marry who they love. According to him, the holy book advised people to ''love who they marry''.
''Nowhere does the Bible say Marry Who You Love, it says Love Who You Marry.''
He however did not expantiate on his thought, giving room for people to give their own interpretation. Many interpreted it to mean that the clergyman was saying that people should get married to anyone and after that grow their love for that person as they do life together. Many felt this is a catalyst for divorce as it would be difficult for people to grow their love for someone they never loved.
See the divergent opinions below
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When they ran out of what to preach to confuse lot,they turn things without bible backup to confuse more lot.without biblical backing,anything you vomit from your,na you sabi
People should not castigate the man of God, the pastor is going somewhere linda could have shown us the full video so that we can analyse it, it's a 50/50 game, marriage is a game of chances at times what you bargain is not what you get ,there's some cases two loved couples got divorce and some arrange marriages that lasted till death do them apart, it's good to be in love with your wife to be and also to love wife after marriage, all that glitters are not gold
That you went to a man-made alter doesn’t mean you were joined by God
My mentor. #Kachi
Just be wise as Solomon. If you know, you know. Just be as sleek as David. They had to leave a young girl naked with his dead body to be sure he was dead. If you love like Samson, you will end up like Samson
Interesting much..
If the Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself", can you love your neighbor without loving your wife??? I rest my case in the Court of public opinion!
All these god of men always talking in the nonsense. Listen to them at your own peril..
The guy Dey talk nonsense well well I Dey fellow him for Instagram, all his quotes Na trash
Must bible tell you everything? Marrying who you love Is not to please God or man but for your own good.Reminds of a pastor who once said marriage should come first before love.And I asked myself ,what if I marry who I don't love ,then expecting the love to happen after marriage and it doesn't happen? Love may not be the most important key to a successful marriage but it just has to be there , compulsorily,for you to enjoy your marriage.Who you don't love before marriage,there's no quarantee love will develop when married.Marriage does not change people,people change because they choose to.MARRY WHO YOU LOVE..e get why.
My take on this is that the pastor must have given a half baked bread, but as a public speaker it is his duty not to be misunderstood at all time so that he is not the cause of a failed marriage, going by the Bible I believe the heart to love was given to men , and the will to submit was given to women, now if that is the strength that God gave each gender, how can you say that a man should marry someone he doesn’t love that love will come later , why did Jacob serve an extra 7 years for Rachel after all he already has a wife , Abraham nko the list is endless, a man can love a woman for ever and the love will remain the same . A woman can marry a man that truly loves her and if she submit completely to that man she will grow to love that man completely, we both cannot be loving at the same frequency that is not how we are created, man love and woman submit, so women should be wise in choosing who they say yes to , pick the one that his love for you is the strongest of course with the guiding of the Holy Spirit.
I pray God gives you greater understanding. of all the comments I felt led to pray specifically for you. I sense that God desires to give you a beautiful marriage. if you are single may you not miss it, if you are married may your home be transformed into it ijn. pray about it and may the Spirit of God lead you to his perfect will for your life ijn amen. that being said, there is a marriage you marry for yourself and there is the marriage that is for God. The one for yourself is driven by your desires and wants (so you do it your way and by your understanding and feelings) and the one for God is an act of service towards him (so you do it his way, obeying his instructions and submitting to his will). when your marriage is an act of service, God is using your marriage to achieve a purpose and in this instance you cant but love your wife even if she was forced on you. Even if she was not your choice, because you understand that your marriage is an assignment from God you love her unconditionally being patient kind etc (see 1 corin 13, eph 5:25-end). Might I add that love is not a feeling john 3:16. Even when you are in love with who you marry, it takes grace to love them. Truth is that no human can love who they do not "love", Spouse or not. it is our natural instinct to hate who hates us, ignore who ignores us, and withold love from our enemies (eye for an eye!). That is why we need the Holy spirits help at all times if we are to do otherwise. He alone can furnish in our hearts the ability to love like he loves. But because most of us marry for our own interest, we miss this great opportunity to experience the true an purest form of love that one can give and receive. This love is not superficial, it is the work of the spirit and sadly very few marriages and people experience this.
I was going to call him a dullard foolish man of God, until I read rest of the caption. He knows what he's saying and doing. You can never always love your partner 365 days a day. Never! Their are times you want to take time off and take a break! But when you eventually marry such person and you occasionally have that feeling, what will you keep you attached to such person is no more feelings (Love), it's the strong will (Marry), which puts you loving into effect and it's pivotal to loving somebody (yes, strong will, making a selfless devotion and commitment to loving someone for the rest of your life) is greater than love itself because it's just a feeling and it may Wither away. What he said ther isn't for the shallow thinker. It's fir the deep thinker. The rational thinker.
Opinion really differs in this case
Let’s use common sense here..Bible also didn’t say U should not marry without love, I strongly think the Bible is referring to people who fall out of love with their partner after marriage. So many people are no longer in love with their partner and it’s evident in our society as u can see the high rate of divorce and family issues.The Bible is simply saying when u marry, devote your time,energy and everything to your wife or husband ONLY. Lastly, most of us relax after marriage,pls don’t relax,always find ways to spice up your marriage every day of your life cos marriage is a life contract. It’s what u signed up for, nobody should Run away biko.
Okay, you posted his first content that generated this heat, now post his response so we know where we are, and what to say. Pls
All these social media pastors.
Prophets(Preachers) of doom abound teaching words of the flesh and not WORD of The Spirit ! I feel sorry for those who have read but do not understand or who have not read The Bible from Genesis to Revelation to know and not to believe.... #wordenough
One word "MISCONSTRUED' I read it differently. whether we agree or not, love grows in marriage and same as hate!!! You can marry a lady you feel you loved, and as time goes on, her true character starts coming to light. And then you find that lady you once loved , distateful, annoying and hatred sets in. do you think People who murder their spouse and all that, hated them from the get go? then again, you can marry a lady you just liked, (maybe your parents saw her for you and all that) she has wonderful character and so much respect for you. You then find out, you do cherish and have fallen inlove with her. Our present day conception of love is based on conditions and physical attributes. what this man is trying to say is "when you see someone your spirit likes, and accepts, and you see her as someone you can be friends with cox you guys have alot in common, go ahead and marry her and then just like the bible instructed fall inlove with her.
The way preachers are causing confusion in the house of God ehn.... one will say this, the other will say that... at the end, the congregation will start war of words on social media
THERE IS SOME SENSE IN WHAT HE SAI, BELIEVE ME.. FIRST OF ALL YOU WILL LIKE THE PERSON, LOVE DEVELOPE GRADUALLY WE AFRICANS DO MISTAKE LIKENESS FOR LOVE WE CARRIED THE SAME MENTALITY ENTER EUROPE.. WHEN YOU TELL A WHITE WOMAN YOU MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU LOVE HER, SHE WILL NEARLY SLAP YOU... HOW CAN YOU LOVE A PERSON YOU MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME? A PERSON YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT. LOVE IS A GRADUAL PROCESS... MOST MARRIAGES ARE BASE ON LIKE, THEN AFTER LOVE FOLLOWS...
I have watched that video on YouTube were pastor Kingsley was addressing single ladies to love who they marry because he said most single ladies are in love with a guy who doesn't even love them enough to marry and such ladies go all way round in trying to please such guys because they(ladies) are in love, such ladies can't seems to master their emotions they end up wasting so much time being single for so long. So he said"love who you marry and not who you love".
This man just wants to prick and provoke minds today, he does mot nean what he has said. The statement "love who you marry" means whoever you marry make sure you love them, so if this man of God is trying to interpret it to mean that you should not love the person before marriage, that is his own interpretation and not that of the holy spirit, he wants to see how many people will agree with him so he can say to himself that he is deep in the word, too many people are trying too hard to seem deep in the spirit thereby making nonsense of what a simple message ought to be, so forgive his adventure into his own world of deep carnality.
My dear he is right. The western way of love has us searching for what isn't there. Our fathers ,mother's and ancestors loved who they marry. Even Muslims believe that too. Loving who you marry reduces sin of fornication, bonding problems (when you have truly loved once not our Nigerian conditional love oo and it didn't work out with that person, it is harder to feel that same kind of love, with DNA wahala(love will make them still be loving that one that didn't marry them and end up having sex and passing the baby off as the husband's own), abortion, heartbreak, etc. Believe me, it is better as the pastor said. Marriage isn't about love but an obligation to each other . I understand it is hard too comprehend since we have been inundated with all this love stories from childhood but the holy books are together on this one. Husband's love your wife not fiance love your fiancee or girlfriend love your boyfriend.
This is how " Is it in d Bible type of Christians interpret d word of God. Bcos Christ is trying to encourage us to love our wife,by saying men love your wives.Now if Christ didn't explicitly say Marry whom you love,does it mean,dt marrying whom you love is wrong bcos it is not stated clearly in d Bible.? Is not enough to read d Bible try and understand d spirit of the word you read.
I will relate to this issue from two views which i deem relevant. 1, That there is more to marriage than eros. Romantic love in most cases are overrated, because when the whole adrenaline rush wears off, you find yourself having to deal with the reality of the person you are getting married to. No more pretence. No more trying hard to impress each other on several dates. You get to hear them snore in all their nocturnal glory. Lol. You watch your spouse eat like a cow with reckless abandon. You begin to witness those attitudes that you never saw during courtship. That is when you have to choose to love. Love is a decision beyond the initial stages of eros. There are four kinds of love. Eros: erotic, passionate love. Philia: love of friends and equals. Storge: love of parents for children. Agape: love of mankind. It is in marriage that all these four kinds find perfection. While you can easily fall out of love with a lover, the sanctity of marriage demands that you choose to constantly love your spouse everyday. Pastor Kingsley is speaking from a place of a deeper understanding. It's beyond the media soundbite
I actually listened to the full version of this meassage. He is talking about people that marry just for love. When love fades it is difficult for the marriage to be sustained. He talked about ladies always going for spec. You want a slim guy today, what if he fat up in the future nko. So before you people cease the opporunity to judge the man, go listen to the full version and not just pick a part of it to hinge on...Dalu
Love is not always enough and love dies faster than flowers, marriage is different from courtship, our mothers and grandma were giving out for marriage to a man many never met before and their marriage was ok, the qualities to marry those days was decency and good character, then for men was hard working and dedication then they live happily together and love comes in for them because it becomes an obligation for the man to love, protect and provide for his wife and it also becomes an obligation for the woman to respect, faithful and loyal to her husband. But now that they are marrying the one they love divorced is everyday thing in Nigeria, you love Tracy and after marriage you find out she’s worst than Amaka you avoid not to marry, many couples relaxed after marriage but forgotten that marriage is something you keep working on and investing on everyday, some hide under love to manipulate their partners, some cheat and believe to be forgiven because their partner loves them, love is not primary in marriage the primary things in marriage are commitment, dedication, tolerance before love can come in, then for those that said you can’t married and love the person later that’s a lie, o have fell in love with a lady I just wanted to have flings with, I find out she wasn’t what I thought she was, a lady I wanted to had flings with showed me the meaning of love. care and support, love is something that grows and it takes time to, in marriage love is not always enough, people that are getting divorced today once loved each other and people that hate their partner today once love them, sometimes love covers our eyes not to see the bad side of our partner but after marriage we start seeing everything, in marriage love fade what keeps many home going is commitment, dedication and they are already too use to each other, it’s even safer to love someone after marriage than to love before marriage because love after marriage is when you already knows the in and out of the person but love before marriage can sometimes be base on decept or pretence, love is supposed to come after marriage according to Bible because there was no courtship recorded in the Bible, and the Bible says stay away from sex but if can’t then get married, It didn’t say fall in love and get married,read the book of Genesis 41,45, Moses was also given a wife Exodus 2.11-21, so don’t blame the pastor for saying love who you marry, he’s talking from the Bible aspect of it and not the human or our generational aspect of it
Marry your friend. Thank me later.
God patient sha… dee
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.