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A single woman in her 40s has a message for divorced single fathers who approach single and childfree women like her for relationships.
Ola Jumoke shared how a divorced 48-year-old man approached her and why she decided to choose herself first, rather than give her life to helping him build his family.
She wrote: "A divorced 48-year-old man with three children once approached me.
"Most men with children pursue childfree women while refusing to date single mothers. They choose themselves first, yet expect you to embrace responsibilities they would never accept themselves.
"I choose myself first too. I’ve never been married, I’m childfree, and I’ve been fiercely focused on building my life. I haven’t chosen single motherhood, and I’m not interested in taking on the often thankless labour of stepmothering either in the name of marriage.
"So I asked him five core questions to understand how a relationship with him would fit into the life I’ve intentionally built:
"1. Beyond attraction, what makes you think your values, lifestyle, and future plans align with mine?
"2. After meeting your financial obligations to your children and any former spouses, what can you realistically contribute financially to building a life with me, or would you expect me to subsidize yours and that of your existing family?
"3. After meeting your children’s needs and managing your existing family commitments, how much time and emotional capacity do you realistically have left to build a committed relationship with me?
"4. How would you manage co-parenting boundaries with your exes and children, conflicting demands, and disagreements without making them mine to resolve?
"5. What adjustments would you make to build a life that works for both of us, rather than expecting me to lower my quality of life to fit around yours and your existing family?
"Well, Uncle disappeared from the conversation.
"These are few of the questions I ask divorced men with multiple kids when I choose to respond. Alignment is key.
"Being 40+ doesn’t mean I have to lower my standards or abandon my boundaries because society thinks I’m too old to be selective.
"The same society pressuring you to settle will turn around and mock you when your life is in disarray."
You are not married, You have no Children, but a free man or woman, but you have the best advice for Single mother or Father. Then your brain need a reset
I know a woman that married a lawyer in the east here and she became a mother to his plenty children while he continued hoeing about, once he had sucked the life out of her her sent her away with nothing because his kids where all grown up and independent. She had nothing. The relationships she once adored as a mother, daughter-inlaw, aunt, wife all disappeared in a flash because at the end of the day she was the only one that had no blood tie to all the group mentioned above. A single woman with no kids can marry a man with kids but make sure to have your own kids even if its just two.