"I am here to tell you not to place a man or a marriage above commonsense"- Beautiful article written by Joy Bewaji | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog





Sunday, 12 March 2017

"I am here to tell you not to place a man or a marriage above commonsense"- Beautiful article written by Joy Bewaji

Joy Isi Bewaji wrote a beautiful article on women believing in their self worth, and not accepting domestic violence as a norm. How women who represent different strata of society, still act the same way when it comes to marriage. She gave an accurate and deep understanding of relationships and self worth. This is a well written article for everyone, men and women to read. Please read after the cut...

"I remember K-solo's wife.
Beaten blue black and defrauded by husband, producer/musician K-solo.
She got the whole internet on her side.
Two weeks later, she's on Channels- with her abuser; his hand around her...
"Oh! It was all a joke," she says, "we were just fooling around. Akshually, we were trying our hands on acting. We want to see if we can build careers in Nollywood."
She dismissed the abuse. And we all moved on."

One week later, K-solo parades another woman as the woman he will be spending the rest of his life with...
Whilst first wife is pregnant.
First wife tries again to hawk same sympathy on these cyber streets... we directed her to a tree, and advised her to fuck it.
Melaye's wife.
Beaten like a common crook in her marriage.
Her husband knocks up a Nollywood actress, one Bisi.
Bisi keeps the baby and tells the world it belongs to Melaye.
Battered wife defends husband. Says it is impossible for her godfearing man to impregnate a lowly actress, a jezebel (perhaps, she was the gecko in the hotel room).
Two weeks later, battered wife is in the news with cuts and bruises. She has been kicked out. Another (not Bisi) takes over her matrimonial space. In Nigeria, these things happen quite effortlessly.
Iniabasi, almost a nobody, defrauds and promises women marriage.
Wife writes an epistle of her love and support for her husband.
And on and on and on.
These women, living inferior lives by choice are resting on some kind of psychological abuse as reason for disrespecting self.
K-solo's wife was a business woman. Successful.
Melaye's wife was married to a senator of a nation that is blind to corruption. Her husband obviously gets his share of the loot. She had no reason to be poor and powerless.
Iniabasi's wife, well...
Women who represent different strata of society, all acting the same way when it comes to "marriage".
Allowing self to burn to crisp pity and humiliation.
These are women who can run successful media empires like Linda Ikeji; study in STEM, build apps for the future; have a voice and a seat in politics like Theresa May; contribute to nation building...
But they've been told that the only thing that truly mattered was being married to anything. He doesn't even have to be responsible. He doesn't have to be anything you even desire. Just marry. The rest will work itself out.
At my Konga speech on International Women's day, I said:
I am not here to tell you how to make money. I suspect you know how to take care of your bills. I am not here to tell you how to discover your talent, you must have read books on that. The informal sector thrives because women work hard. Women know how to make money.
I am here to tell you not to place a man or a marriage above commonsense.
Women constantly make complete fool of themselves- girlfriends acting utterly clueless, scraping the bottom pot of their finances to "help" a "struggling" boyfriend, failing to provide for self. Sacrificing self beyond necessary. Disgracing their future.
Denying self growth because a mere man needs to catch up so he doesn't feel inadequate in the relationship. You continue to dumb down to lift up another. You think that is love?
You mock God and all the potential He gave you because your wholeness is uncomfortable to ONE man.
Was it not May D's baby mama, abused constantly by the singer, who said she played a major role in funding his studio sessions whilst she was a struggling student? A mere child. Wasn't she, like, 19 at the time?
When sex scandal breaks... unless you are the bug eating his dirty linen... how then can you categorically say that "he didn't do it?"
How about silence?
How about carrying your head high and placing an episode that is none of your fault beneath you?
How about checking your HIV status? Or go for STDs medical check?
How about drinks with your friends to take your mind off shit? How about an hour at the spa?
How about registering at the gym. Losing weight, getting those muscles on your arms, getting rid of fat in your tummy. How about investing in a good beauty brand?
How about dancing with a hot stranger to remind yourself there's still a lot of beauty in the world? (Oh, sorry. You are a "virtuous" woman)
Anything but shaming the education your parents paid for.
Women are not victims- wife, girlfriends... all of you. Not victims.
Women simply refuse to make smart decisions when it comes to men and marriage.
The way you run your successful hair business... wake up by 4am to get ready for your bank job... the way you excel at running a business meeting- brainstorming, analysing, reaching brilliant conclusions... the way you study and make good grades...
Apply that sense when a man stands in front of you talking about love/marriage.
Women continue to record similar sad issues on men/sex/love. We don't learn from the next woman. All our roundtable events that shut men out add nothing to our sense and how we confront issues on love and men.
It is that belief of "my story will be different" that makes us laughable.
Monalisa Chinda's first husband was violent. Monalisa shared the story. After the divorce, another woman married him only a few months later. She literally bought over Monalisa's garbage.
The man did the same thing to the new wife- beat the shit out of her and made her money his; she runs to Linda's blog to complain. The marriage was dissolved.
Nigga man is with another Nigerian woman as we speak.
It is a dangerous thing to live without consequences.
Men live without consequences. And as long as it remains that way, we shall continue to record annoying videos on Tiwa and Tonto, and read chic-lit books on Toke.

It is your fault, women.


Nnenne George said...

Ok we have heard. Thanks for the advice.. but also advice them not to be carried away by money they didn't know d source... because whatever sweet, dey bitter eventually. Women investigate wella before u jumped into a moving van. Be mindful of one chance. Don't be carried away by a man's wealth because all that glitter ain't gold.

Anonymous said...

Nice article, u are on point

yomi said...

thats alot

Ogechikanma said...

Nice one joy. Deep....


God bless u for for this piece! Wake up, Women!

Tochukwu Uchendu said...

This write up was well constructed but did not proffer solutions or remedies.

The Heat Of Virginity said...

Seriously am disappointed. all this lads hitting their woman are Animals!!! Am still young though,, but when i get a woman of my own,, God help me, i'd rather have my hands amputated than hit my woman

Vivian Emaduku said...

Master piece, violence breaks you and makes you feel inadequate, reduces your self esteem and worth. I will choose to stay alive than stay married. SayNotoviolence.

Anonymous said...

This is BRILLIANT!!! Pretty much sums up my stance on this issue. women we need to do better.

Anonymous said...

It's not either or, though your point is accurate, it does not remove from the truth of the article.

It is not a competition.

Anonymous said...

Most ladies are gold-diggers, not ready to work, but ever ready to reap. I don't pity them at all. Imagine a lady who wasn't opportuned to attend uni. after sec sch, worked at a fast food, made some good money, but gave the money to a relative, hoping to get a hubby who will train her in Uni......Monkey is ur name!

Anonymous said...

U are a complete man.God bless U and ur future wife

Asoge Atelier said...

Actually the article is solution itself. The article emphasis self worth and common sense.

LoisLucia Chynma said...

Thank you Joy Isi Bewaji. God will bless you enormously for this piece.

blunt angel said...

Thought provoking piece

Peninnah A said...

Nice one Joy. This issue is a matter of women truly having value for themselves...

ed DREAMZ said...

Interesting piece though no doubt....

Ike Louisa said...

It's a good advice.

Iphie Abraham said...

Well said

Lib adict#just passing#

Anonymous said...

The truth is that until women become more financially successful and free themselves of shackles of traditional conditioning, where some women expect men to feed and clothe them, abuse will always happen.

Anonymous said...

lovely piece,

I remember dating a man that never supported my goals and ambition he was so insecure he shoots down every career moves i make, if i want to take a professional course he would be so angry that i basically had to hide to go for training. when i got a job in the aviation industry he threatened me to resign or he would break of our engagement. in his words it is not a job for an 'intending wife' the only thing he wanted me to do was to stay in a shop in his village and sell okrika/aba clothes in front of his family house with their prying eyes monitoring all my every moves.

Dating him was a very stupid mistake on my part, i let him make me feel my ambitions are not valid because i want to be a wife. well this didn't stop him from cheating on me constantly and disrespecting me. i swallowed all the shit! because i just wanted to get married. do i blame my self? yes!! i also blame society for stigmatizing a woman close to 30 as old why is she not married? she is aged like we need a walking stick. i also blame my parents who tormented me to get married no matter what.

I was brave enough to break the unhealthy relationship and even made a decision not to get married. within that year, i advanced so well in my career, i broke lots of boundaries and achieved a lot within the same year. and guess what? i also met an amazing man and got married within that year. he supports me and he is my biggest cheer leader. Women we should know our worth.

linda please post this!!

Anonymous said...

Good one. I hope this reaches many who needs it cos I'm sick of seeing more women fall victims over and over again. And! Joy!! The Gender Bill needs to be passed into Law. It is not negotiable. Our present laws treats women inhumanely. Girls,Women, wives, mothers must be given protection against legal and extra legal abuses. It's a shame in 2017 that a mother be denied her children because she is separated from her abusive husband. These laws are reasons why many women die untimely death in their husband's house. How can a man be more entitled to a child than the mother who risked her life to have him?

Anonymous said...

Brilliant piece!! Women, know thyself.

chinwe ogbu said...

She made a good point. I wish women would get this as much as i do.i wish women could just open their eyes and see that u can be happy without a man.u can be happy alone. U can. Jesus Christ! Y can't we see that? Why?

Ifeanyi Rolex said...

Nice piece.

Vivian Reginalds said...

-D great anonymous now as Vivian Reginalds

Anonymous said...

I hardly comment but this post hit it. Women!!!!!

dee boi said...

Then u must be either blind or dumb... dee

dee boi said...

👍👍👍... dee

emilytouch said...

Stop domestic violence

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