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Monday, 28 November 2016

I’m getting married tomorrow!

Found this very interesting article written by a lady named Atilola Moronfolu, who got married on Saturday Nov. 26th. She shared the article on Friday November 25th just a day before she got married. It's quite interesting. Read below.. 
I am getting married tomorrow...but that is not what this article is about because in as much as marriage is a good thing, and I am looking forward to what that phase holds in store for me, I am not under the illusion that my life would suddenly transform from that of dystopia to a life of utopia.
You see, almost all my friends are married, and I have asked most of them few months or years after marriage, that “Which is better, being single or being married?”
It is interesting to note that not a single one of them has been able to tell me conclusively that being married is better than being single. They all respond with the familiar lines of “It’s different. Marriage is good but it comes with its responsibilities. They all have their pros and cons.”
I’ve been single for all my life. Yes, it might not be a lengthy period of time in some people’s eyes, but it is far longer time than I intended to be single, especially considering the fact that I graduated at the age of 21, and have been financially independent since then.
And I would like to say something that an average young girl might never get to hear.

BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING!
This might be contrary to what we have heard all our lives, especially in this day and age our mothers start drumming their desired specs for a husband into our ears from our teenage years. With society’s several comments, it is implied that we are worth about just half our value as single… that marriage is the answer to all… that the unmarried cannot stand tall in the society… that something is wrong with us because we are single.
Firstly, marriage is not by force. You have a right to choose to be single or to be married. Nowhere in the constitution, not even in the bible does it say that marriage is compulsory. So let’s stop preaching heresy from the pulpit we have mounted in the lives of people who never begged for our sermons in the first place. Unfortunately, society seems to take that power of choice from us, but I am boldly saying that whether you want to get married or you want to be single, LET IT BE YOUR CHOICE!
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with a girl just because she is not married. She is not incomplete, neither is she a leper. This point is what the crux of this post is about
I have been single for long enough to know that singleness has a lot of advantages that married life can never dream to offer.
As a single person, one has the time to fulfil so much without the responsibility of caring for children or attending to spousal needs. You do not need permission from anyone to make important decisions, neither do you need to consider the children’s school requirements before you jet off to Paris.
To be single means to be ONE in every way… to be CONCENTRATED… to be WHOLE… to be UNIFIED… to be SINGULAR… to be SINGLE-HEARTED. Unfortunately, due to societal pressures, many single people are not actually single. They are single in status, but not in mind. The focus has shifted from being focused on desired goals, to worrying, searching for that right man, testing the waters, drooling over bella naija brides with envy, and jumping from one relationship to another.
We have failed to teach our single people the definition of true singleness, i.e. being singular in mind. It is in the journey of doing your work that your spouse will find you. 1Cor 7:32-35 explains this point a great deal, where it says the focus of the singles should be to serve God without distractions, while the married will always be distracted.
Sometime in my single years, I used to worry about my singleness, and daily prayed about marriage, amongst other things. At a point, God asked me, “what if I tell you that you that will not marry, that you will remain single forever, will you still serve me, and pray this earnestly?
I answered, “I would.”
And I heard it clearly, “So concentrate on other things, and stop praying for marriage. Live your life as if you would never marry.”
After that day, even though it was my desire to get married, I stopped praying for marriage, and I felt no more pressure to get married. It was from that moment I truly started enjoying my singleness. I enjoyed it so much that I wasn’t looking forward to getting married again. No, I wasn’t gallivanting round clubs or moving from one owambe to another. I did more than that.
I accomplished in a total of 4 years what would be difficult for a married woman to accomplish in 10 years.
I travelled round the world, organised shows, taught teenagers every Saturday and Sunday, wrote books, developed IPs, performed at events, ran businesses… I had so much time to give that I invested every moment of my life in one cause or the other, and I enjoyed it.
I became so comfortable in my singleness that my only fear was that I was getting too comfortable. So I told myself, “if I am going to leave this my extremely comfortable life, sacrifice all these, and get married i.e. submit my life to another human being, then that man has to be truly worth it. Or else, I will sit down here in my father’s house for as long as it takes, because no one is chasing me away from my father’s house, and in my father’s house, I am a princess.”
Am I saying that not all men are worthy of me? Absolutely yes! I have come too far in my journey of self-development through singleness to throw it all away to just any kind of man.
And so I rocked the party called singleness, but now, that party is over.
I think that is what we are supposed to be teaching our ladies…
That singleness is a status, not a disease. Being married is a status also. The fact that one is married doesn’t mean he/she is better than the single one. I don’t care how our parents, churches (with endless “deliverance from singleness” service, and discrimination against singles), and society at large have made it seem. You are not a more worthy human than I am because I am single, and you are married.
I have lived my single life to the best of my ability, and tried to accomplish all that singleness could afford me, even though I could have done more. So one thing I know is this, come tomorrow morning, when I am changing status, like we did in high school, I will hold my head up with pride, boldly beat my chest, and sign on the wall of fame of singleness “Atilola wuz ‘ere!”
And that wouldn’t be a lie, because even singleness can attest to the fact that I rocked the life out of it.
ATILOLA MORONFOLU


30 comments:

Uju Phil said...

Shit happens girl

Alloy Chikezie said...

Interesting.

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Lovely piece. proud and happy for you...

ONYX linda ikeji first son GODWIN said...

Same old, same old. Love yourself and your situation, be happy. Single or married.

Eddy Ogbunambala said...

Good

Debbie Chelsea said...

Very interesting

Anonymous said...

This is really a good article. The problem we all have is that we always want to rush things and never get to enjoy life. Enjoy while you are single.......................

Juliet Iwuno said...

Hmmmmmmm! Day one na okwu nkasi obi. Linda take note!

Anonymous said...

Nyc piece... but it's also important to admit that some women are treated badly in their fathers mansions they have no choice than to chase after marriage.

Anonymous said...

I miss my singleness...happy I am married though,
Every single lady should forget about marriage and enjoy life...true. When the right one comes, still wear your glasses to check....cos most marriages get k-leg.

Nma Akanno said...

What an amazing write up! Dear Atitola, thank you so much for this wonderful piece, Wish I can see you now Just for a hug. This means so much to me and anyone who truely understand this piece. May God bless you and your new home.

Jamila Shaibu said...

Cool

Ogbewe Godfrey said...

Linda baby we like these expression because bird on the same feather flock alike,

Merrymary Tom said...

Wow! This is such a wonderful piece... I'm inspired... Thanks Linda for sharing

Ikenna Ohakah said...

The lady is right

Anonymous said...

Wow this is is uplifting. All my junior sisters are married with kids near I don't even have a boyfriend. I have stopped living and just being worrying. Praying is hard. But like you said. Should I stop serving God cause I never marry. No! I have all the time in the world I am not using it. Just wallowing in depression. Need to save this. Quire uplifting. Need to start living

Anonymous said...

Babe you are on point

kennymoore said...

true talk girlfriend that what alot of single did not know before getting married and they run out of marriage in no time,get fulfill before getting married and never depend on man for your success,'that when l married husband will do this for me or that',get your head straight and be focus
thanks linda for sharing.kennymoore

Anonymous said...

As a house officer, my senior register said this 19yr old patient with two children is of more worth than me a single doctor. He said it's not an insult but that's society.

Anonymous said...

Love this

geneafah said...

Linda trying to console herself.... Anyways marriage is different, yes cause here you can't do anything without consultant ur better half, everyone is gonna be looking at u to know if ur marriage will work or not. Well I can't deal, single life rocks cause u get to know yourself better and explore the more. Marriage ain't for anyone and if and when I decide to marry, I wud do it cus I'm ready and found the right person. BTW I'm still young oooo😂

Anonymous said...

Actually,she only wrote it AFTER she achieved the end goal- marriage. I would have appreciated it more if she'd written it as a single lady. It sent a stronger message if she'd had the courage to write it WHEN she was still single and had no potential to get married. There is no end goal. It's I'm single and life is also perfect like this, no end goal. Just focus on the present. Because now it's like she has the candy in her hand, and she's giving others hope that after such a long journey, there is an end goal. I don't like that. Because actually, some people will NEVER get married. It's not a curse. It's a fact. So her message would have been stronger to me while she's still single. For single people to know that there can be total fulfilment in a woman's life, without marriage. Perfect. The single ladies that read that will go away from that article still believing in an "end goal". Not good. Marriage is not an end goal for everyone.

Real Tessy said...

You right girl

Eazzy Pompey said...

Congratulations to you.

Gbadebo Oyewo said...

Lola is a consummate writer/speaker. We served in Benue together in 2008. Always proud of her 'MADness': always Making A Difference

Vivian Reginalds said...

Linda mkn money snc 2000
-D great anonymous now as Vivian Reginalds

Ananymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ananymous said...

Well if she had also written it when she was single, one would also have thought that because she had no man in her life that's why she is saying such but now that she has, she can judge and be of the opinion ( perception differ). She is just saying it's good to be single and one should only opt out when he/ she finds someone worth it and not settle for less because of pressure. You don't have to wait like Rapunzel in a tower doing nothing except waiting for someone to save you. If one doesn't get married no biggie. The person is still a queen or king in his Heavenly Father's house

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