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Saturday, March 12, 2016

We Need Lovely, Not Sexy By Reno Omokri

As a young boy growing up in 1980s Nigeria, I knew Black women as lovely women who exuded charm and breeding in their dressing, their demeanor and in their mannerisms. In fact, the epitome of loveliness was Nigeria's then First Lady, Maryam Babangida.

Mariam was dark skinned and proud of it. She did not bleach her skin neither did she contour her face with pancake powder to make her appear lighter. She was a lovely Black woman and proud of it. And when you looked at her, you knew that Black was and still is beautiful.

I may be wrong, but I was a very observant boy and I cannot once remember Maryam

Babangida wearing any Western style clothes. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but Maryam was able to look lovely and elegant in African fabrics designed by African tailors.

And it was not just Maryam Babangida, although she set the pace. Even our female pop stars of that era were lovely women who were proud of their Blackness.


I remember Onyeka Onwenu. She was elegance personified. She had an Afro and it was cute. Her contemporary was Christy Essien-Igbokwe and like Onyeka, she was a paragon of Black feminine loveliness.

And it was not just First Ladies of politics and pop music. Even our On Air Personalities and TV anchor women were of the same bent. You had Ruth Benamaisia, Tokunbo Ajayi, Bimbo Roberts and many others.

In fact, the very first major star of Nigeria's then burgeoning film and theater industry (the precursor of Nollywood) Patti Boulaye, (née Patricia Ngozi Ebigwei) was a clone of Maryam Babangida. Very dark skinned, high and pronounced cheek bones and most important of all, not ashamed of it. Her starring role in Bisi, Daughter of the River, paved the way for dark skinned lovelies here at home and in England where she became a major star.

I cite these examples to show that being a Black woman used to mean that you were a lovely woman.

But something has changed. Today, I cannot flip through the pages of newspapers and magazines or browse social media without seeing bleached Black women in very revealing outfits being celebrated not for any positive thing that they have achieved but rather because they flaunt their cleavage, their buttocks, thighs and other parts of their bodies.

Where we as a society used to promote the ideal woman as being lovely, today, our women want to be seen as being sexy. And being sexy appears to be code for looking light skinned, flaunting barely clothed bodies with heads covered in imported 'Brazilian' hair.

Why must a woman be sexy? I would have thought that it would have been better to be lovely than it is to be sexy.

I mean there is a reason the great singer, Stevland Hardaway Morris (better known as Stevie Wonder) composed a hit song titled 'Isn't She lovely'.

Loveliness is a better ideal for women to aspire to than sexiness. And you do not have to bleach or contour or hide your Afro under Brazilian hair to be lovely.

Mrs. Aisha Buhari is Black, beautiful and lovely. Ngozi Chimamanda Adichie is Black, beautiful and lovely. Chidinma of the kedike fame is Black, beautiful and lovely. Omotayo Omotosho is Black, beautiful and lovely. Molara Wood is Black, beautiful and lovely. There are many Black, beautiful and lovely women in Nigeria and we should promote that ideal rather than this westernized ideal of the 'sexy' woman.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word 'sexy' means "sexually attractive" while the word 'lovely' means "exquisitely beautiful". As a woman, ask yourself which of these two ideals you really want for yourself?

I am convinced Satan promotes the word sexy so we can see women as sex objects, but God promotes the word lovely so we can see them as beings to be loved.

Let us go back to The Bible were it all began and see what it tells us.

In Esther 2:17 we read that "Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other".

Why did Esther obtain this favour? It is a historical fact that King Xerxes had many SEXY women in his harem. Yet despite the multiplicity of sexiness available to him, it was the LOVELY Esther he chose as his queen. Why?

That is the question we are going to examine in the rest of this piece.

Women should think about the type of men they attract if they aspire to look sexy as opposed to if they aspire is to look lovely.

The truth is that women who look lovely attract men looking for love while women who look sexy attract men looking for sex.

That is just the bitter truth. Some may call me misogynistic but I have a wife and a daughter that will testify to how I treat them like queens. Truth is bitter, lies are butter. One will purge you while the other will make you fat!

Even among animals, a lioness is a lovely animal and that is why she stays in a pride with her lion mate. The lion will protect her and together they will raise a family of cubs that stay with them until they start their own pride or are absorbed into another pride.

You see, a lioness has pride because she is lovely.

I want to encourage our women to see themselves as lovely. They do not need to flaunt their most delicate parts because that is what Western women do.

If they must flaunt anything, let our lovely women flaunt their intelligence, their characters and their Blackness.

Let us retain or return to the ideal of Black womanhood, where the Black woman is unashamedly Black, elegant, pure and a pillar of her home and her community.

101 comments:

Adaobilinda her sexcellency said...

We heard u

Memenaija said...

check out the funniest african pictures on www.memenaija.com

Charles Okafor said...

Hahahaha.. Nice point man..
But dis naija gals n dia makeup..

If u channel d hours Nigerian gals spend make up to electricity production in Nigeria... Nigeria wil haff light 247...

Mascara
Consela-consealin dia ugliness
Foundation cream..

And many odas..
Such a shame..
Makeup on fleek but no sense on fleek becox dia sense is covered with weavon




















Enugu's second shoe designer

Saphire Muna said...

Good one dude.... I saw names like aisha buhari, chimamada adiche, chidinma of the ikedike but I dnt see my name
😱 ..... Am equaly bold and beautiful plus sexy sef....








..... Liber maniac......

Henry Werigbelegha said...

Spot on

Charles Okafor said...

Hahahaha.. Nice point man..
But dis naija gals n dia makeup..

If u channel d hours Nigerian gals spend make up to electricity production in Nigeria... Nigeria wil haff light 247...

Mascara
Consela-consealin dia ugliness
Foundation cream..

And many odas..
Such a shame..
Makeup on fleek but no sense on fleek becox dia sense is covered with weavon




















Enugu's second shoe designer

Bonita Bislam said...

God bless you Reno for the wisdom deposited on your shoulders concerning this very topic.Personally I feel it's people with low self esteem that would subscribe to bleaching their skin.I'm black & beautiful & I'll never allow society walk through my mind with their dirty feet
Black is original.

favour ezeh said...

Anuty linda this ur blog look childish now,the old one was better please.

Ogenah Boris said...

Perfectly said....

STERN said...

RENO IS RIGHT.

LINDA IKEJI'S DRIVER said...

Nice read! My madam is lovely too..

Eddy Ogbunambala said...

Eziokwu ka ina ekwu Sir

MEOW said...

Lovely piece, thank you for taking us back there.

Tilda said...

Black is beautiful.people believe otherwise

Anonymous said...

Veru beautiful piece...nice write up.

chidi franklyn said...

I am totally aligned to your thought. I love women in their true and pure state. There is this angelic look women exude in the morning without makeups. I am not against women making up, but a heavy makeup is a no no for me. When people start to realize that we are unique in our different ways, people will stop bleaching. It makes you look fake and you have an odour.

Anonymous said...

This is one of the most intelligent and factual piece from Reno. I know commentators are going to come for him but the truth is bitter. In this age of bleaching creams, I fear for the men and women who are slowly but surely binding themselves to skin cancer. We are Africans and predominantly dark skinned. I believe my black is beautiful, what about yours?

suzana dauda said...

Well.....I was lovely when my hubby met me and now I want to be sexy in to keep him to myself...



Can't wait to see my baby #6weeks5days to go

Nnenne George said...

Well it is called... the 21st century, not Elizabethan time... Umu ogugu Oge! End time children!!!... So relax and take a chill pill..

YOUNGBUHARI said...

Reno plss. We need both

AOI said...

This is a beautiful write-up. I will save it and refer others.

ENENE OTABE said...

Nice piece Sir, there's no insult on earth I haven't received for being black, I have decided to stay far from so called friends

Nevoh Anthonia said...

My goodness, gracious! Bro, you said it all.... That is why I cherish Linda ikeji and Genevieve, ini, and Funke. That is why, am also proud with my complexion and other natural things God has blessed me with. Let me use this opportunity to throw this here for clarifications and corrections. People say am sexy,and that I have oloju come and do, don't rilly no what that means anyway..., but it's not as if I expose my body, bt I guess some persons don't rilly no the huge difference between "sexy" and "lovely" as our bother has explain here. What do you think dearies on my point?

Y.F.C. Omrex said...

Interesting.

Anonymous said...

Sir, I totally agree with you. It pain me when I see our ladies exposing their body parts that are supposed to be preserved..

nosa aghimien egbon said...

You have said it all,the devil has come to steal,kill and destroy, but I cometh that they might have life and have life more abundantly. John10:10.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful write up. I wish our women consider this

nosa aghimien egbon said...

You have said it all,the devil has come to steal,kill and destroy, but I cometh that they might have life and have life more abundantly. John10:10.

livingstone chibuike said...

Tel dem

Juliet Iwuno said...

Well said, man! Linda take note!

Kola Salas said...

Word... Sexy woman attracts a man looking for sex and lovely woman attracts a man looking for love. Hmmmm! Well said.

PETER IFEANYICHUKWU said...

Brother you came from the original world and has chosen to remain there God bless you I'm glad and proud that we still have sane young men around it means that there's still hope at least your wife and daughter will carry on this beautiful ideology

Anonymous said...

i guess Reuben has seen the tokemakinwa kind of #change. black to white

my baby said...

Absolutely true my brother
God bless u.

my baby said...

I am black n beautiful
I am very proud of it.

franklin umenze said...

well said.The crave for western culture especially among the youths is sad and can only make things worse. We are Africans, We are black and we are beautiful.

my baby said...

I am black n beautiful
I am very proud of it.

my baby said...

I am black n beautiful
I am very proud of it.

Anonymous said...

I agree wit you, you don't have to dress trashy to be loved. Instead u attract preys, ready to devour you. In regards to skin bleaching. Black is beautiful but if one feels more comfortable or admire black skin, it's there choice. Nd there's nothing wrong in wearing wigs nd contouring ones face as long as u don't look like masquerade. It's good to look good elegant, but not trashy cos the bible says a woman should be modest in what she does. Don't go over the board wit fashion

Ndubisi Tochukwu said...

U have spoken the mind of the gods

#LibBadBoy

Anonymous said...

Linda, so tell me, what is the point epitomising Kim Kardasian. Because she show naked pusy that is not as pretty as my wife's. Or because she goes about fucking everyone she feels like.

fresh roses said...

One million likes!

Ibrahim Alhassan said...

A Nice read,totally agree with u

Anonymous said...

BEAUTIFUL WRITEUP!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Very nice write up....but the truth still remains that most women in this age and time would prefer sexiness over loveliness the reason being that even as much lovely as a woman may be most men in this time would drool and desire a sexy over a lovely woman......so preach to the men.

Anonymous said...

Hear! Hear! Well said. It's the most sensible thing I've read in a blog for a while. My daughter is dark in complexion and a brilliant lawyer, very pretty! Yet she is beginning to have low self esteem because she thinks her dark complexion is preventing her from having a boyfriend! She is now considering bleaching! I told her not to even think of it and that there are still sensible men out there who look beyond the physical and it is her character she should work on and she will be fine. Thanks Reno for this encouraging piece, it is wonderful and highly encouraging!

Anonymous said...

Oga, but what do you care?
It's not like you do women, you don't so, of course, you hate to see sexy women.
But I bet you wouldn't mind all men being buff and metrosexual so you can feed your proclivity.

Solomon Chukwuka said...

Hmmmmm. Really sweet

mfon udonsuk said...

This is on point.

my baby said...

Absolutely true
God bless u

Anonymous said...

True Talk! That was a master piece!

mama amara said...

Thanks for such a wonderful piece

Home Services PH said...

On point article. Well said Reno.

Rita Otu said...

Black is beautiful. Iam happy cos Iam black. Women who bleached have low self esteem.

anonymous said...

After saying all this, you will still go and cheat on ur wife with "sexy". mtcheeew

Sena Job said...

Nice post but chindinma is not black ooo

evelyn yinusa said...

Very well said! Thank You sir 4 telling them the truth. I hope Nigerian women will reads this piece n change for the best

stellamoon chiakpo said...

Yes ooooooo please tell us Ooooooooo Hmmmmmmm word!

Amos Mohammed said...

THANK YOU SIR!!!!!!!!

Ola said...

God bless you. Well said. I hope our ladies will overcome the western wannabe syndrome and really embrace the true values of a "lovely" black woman. I am black and proud, whosoever is not proud of his/her colour is not fit to live - Aggrey of Ghana

Anonymous said...

When will Reno start writing articles advising men though? I zone out once a man starts writing to advise women. Mind your own business and face the problems affecting your own male species. You have no idea and no understanding of what it is to be a woman. Shut up.

uche ekwulugo said...

Beautiful piece!!! Oya all d bleaching goonz una don hear abi?



AJ MAIN BOY. ..

ayo said...

Best post I've read In a long while...

christie benjamin said...

Kim don suffer o....personally, i luh dem sexy although lovely isn't bad tho...

Jamila Shaibu said...

Alright

Lora Xjay said...

I really love this, it reflects my thoughts exactly

mel20 said...

God bless you pastor reno,preach it!!, I hope this gets through to our "sexy" ladies and inspires them to be moderate in all and accept the loveliness in them not the object of sex. Next time use Linda ikeji and Ty bello as a great example of elegant and lovely black women too pastor. But this is a "lovely write up" more grace and fresh anointing for you i.j.n.

DAUGHTER _ OF _ A _ SOMEBODY... said...

This is sooooo lovely, the best piece about how beautiful our ladies are, thnx pst. Reno.



@anonymous 9:47am. I guess u felt this has spoilt your business right. Yes, if men don't talk about women who should?










I DIDN'T TYPE THIS FA' IT JUST POPPED OUT...






Vivian Reginalds said...

Don't mind him
-D great anonymous now as Vivian Reginalds

Anonymous said...

Nice writeup

Yetty k said...

Chidinma is not dark,she s fair.not even fair sef . light

Keeka Cromwell said...

The man is right. Ppl flaunting boobs and butt. All adulterous actions. Some ppl ditch holy books and life and go for butt injections, parties, sex...

Anonymous said...

Yes oo and he will cheat with 'SEXY' ladies.....lol Trends change man,deal with it. Going naked not supported but don't see what's wrong with light skin or Brazilian hair.. I just can't deal when people criticize others choices. Do not use the word sexy like it's a bad word cos a woman can be fully clothed and still sexy. Don't misquote the bible either there's no reference to sexy or lovely in the book of Esther.esther found favour cos the Lord deemed it fit to favour her.. it was God not her 'sexiness' or loveliness And by the way men wear suits (western dressing) and all that, they use aftershave, they work out and show off their sexy abs and yes I used sexy and it's fine,, nobody is advising em you are satisfied with your round tummy and skin which has been damaged by lots of bad weather sun, harmatan etc.... that's fine too.. leave women alone..leave Nigerian women alone...habaaa... Nigerian men always and always complaining...yet they will cheat, lie, beat their wives and it's a family matter and it's their supposed right and after all that they will quote the bible.. smh

Leo Nwaneri said...

Well said

Anonymous said...

That thing that made you attractive enough to take you as a wife is still what will sustain the marriage, not sexiness. There are a bevy of women out there far sexier than yoy.

myProject said...

May be, may be not....

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Anonymous said...

It is poverty o my brother. When guys like you start to patronise our black beautifulness maybe our girls will rethink bleaching and brazilian hair. Give the darker ones jobs, loans, dates, opportunities. You can flatly refuse to stop engaging the bleached ones. You can always tell from the smell knuckles and heavy make up

Anonymous said...

Nice article...👍thumbs up.

Zane Sampson Ekeoma said...

Good constructive facts


Pls Linda re you running promo coz sm pple just comment and ask you to take note while odas will just drop trash as comment. Not bin offensive but I think u shld review bfor approving sm comments

Pretty face said...

Nice piece

Anonymous said...

True talk sir!

Ellamama said...

True talk sir

Ellamama said...

True talk sir!

dee boi said...

Thank u! Thank u! Thank u!... dee

Di Mateo Xavie said...

Right words Reno....women in a bid to Promotewat they don't even know..have rather bcom unbarable

Peace nwadire said...

Never knew we still have this kind of being in our generation, God bless you for this article,Wil also advise you to talk to men in such manner, think they need it too.

KOLORUKO LUKMAN said...

I'm weeping for most of our artists. Virtually, all of them bleached.

Anonymous said...

Always blaming western for everything
Google makeup and beauty in Africa...the old civilizations were into makeup and beauty enhancements too smh

Anonymous said...

Seen.

Skentele or Skontolo: Double gele tutorial

ife osho said...

NOW THAT'S COMMON SENSE... THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TOO MANY RAPE CASES EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD. THE GOOD THING IS EXCEPT FOR THE YEEZY I DOUBT IF THE IS ANY MALE CLOTHING THAT EXPOSES AS MUCH AS LADIES PARADE THEMSELVES AROUND IN. I STAND TO BE CORRECTED THO.

FIRST COMMENT

THA PSYCHOECONOMIST

ife osho said...

NOW THAT'S COMMON SENSE... THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TOO MANY RAPE CASES EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD. THE GOOD THING IS EXCEPT FOR THE YEEZY I DOUBT IF THE IS ANY MALE CLOTHING THAT EXPOSES AS MUCH AS LADIES PARADE THEMSELVES AROUND IN. I STAND TO BE CORRECTED THO.

FIRST COMMENT

THA PSYCHOECONOMIST

Ifechukwu Chioke said...

Wonderful piece. More Instagram followers for you

Udoka Ekpei said...

Dis is simply epic. He nailed it permanently. As expected, d wayward ladies will not like dis. Truth is indeed a very bitter pill.

Olakunle Oluwaseun said...

Well said ogagun

Ogbewe Godfrey said...

Well explained

Anonymous said...

I prefer the old one I Begg.reply comments are not easy noticed.

Amos Mohammed said...

"women" Susana do you really feel your hubby will be comfortable with this your update about your pregnancy.we are Africans madam,Nigeria for that matter.pls for the sake of the little king stop this.

Anonymous said...

Hello Charles!
I really appreciate your comment but I think you are kind of deviating from the actual topic here. If you read well Mr. Reno made mention of today's women who are classified as lovely but let not forget that these women actually use make up. Not everyone is a make up artist and they'd do their make up in whatever way they see fit. I believe the main point Mr. Reno was driving at is MODERATION. In dressing, in that women should not see exposing their bodies as a way of life. But the same should go for men and teenage boys. It seems like sagging is a way of life and wearing clothes that don't fit (baggy). And don't act as if you are not part of the men that raise the standards for women who tend to dress half naked. I'm a young lady and my dressing speaks "lovely".

And don't forget to use the right spellings when you're typing to show yourself approved of lovely ladies.

For a man who wants a lovely lady should act as one.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Dunmola Omotunde said...

Nice piece. I'm happy n glad I read this

Anonymous said...

I apologise for the comment above typed by anonymous 10:51 am which is me. I didn't even read the post. I don't want to use the word feminist right now but I believe that women should have equal rights. They go through a lot already. I'd rather describe all my beautiful friends as lovely rather than sexy after reading this post. Pastor Reno Omokri is right and I'm wrong. I accept this. Thanks for the knowledge.

Pauline Okwosha said...

I typed the post above. Apologising.