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Friday, February 12, 2016

Photos: 10 tips on how to get your girl back dis Valentine's Day

This article was written, illustrated and acted by Adejoro Olumofin, the Flamboyant Psychologist and its features: @R4ruchynae Chukwueke Ruth Ex Beauty Queen, Actress and Model. Most Beautiful girl in Nigeria Amity 2010 , World Miss University Nigeria (2nd runner up).  Read after the cut...


Relationships are full of ups and downs, heartaches, emotional scars, phobia for love, disappointments as a result of either the man or the woman messing up or breaking rules/regimes earlier set in the relationship I.e the terms which kept the couple in check.

We all have different coping mechanisms for dealing with heartbreak or emotional / physical death in our relationship. According to couples therapy you must be wiling to fight for what and who you love without a concern of the world and its audience. Breakups can be caused by 2 major factors
(1) Emotional Disconnect
(2) Physical Disconnect.

-Emotional Disconnect:  this is when all the pet names, little jokes, special hand shakes and other gestures of the "heart" are no longer present. Emotional disconnect is very difficult to rekindle because you can't see emotions or sensations but only feel them. Very little of us have control over what we feel.

-Physical Disconnect is the absolute or total loss of physical attraction in a relationship. Most times because someone in the relationship isn't looking like how they used to or taking good care of themselves anymore. A man may seek counsel from his woman, give her all the money, chanel, birkin bags but not still want to have sex or any physical contact with her.

Studies, Journals and Direct Observation have shown that it takes a big fight , breakup, disagreement or long distance for either party to realize what they lost or how much they really loved their partner.

As a man, I have been there ; hurting someone I cared about, enjoying attention from other ladies, forgetting to appreciate or compliment all the little things that I knew would make a difference.  All these things would easily drive away the person we love into the arms of another man. It takes nothing to acknowledge your lady's hair, or that she added extra pepper or salt in the stew or she wears less makeup of recent.

Fellas, Here are 10 tips on how to get your Lady back after an ( Emotional or Physical Disconnect) /a breakup

1) Get Spiritual ( Fasting & Prayers)
2)Admission of Guilt and deflation of Ego
3)Apologize
4)Go out of your comfort zone
5)Treat her
6)Eliminate Distractions
7)Express your love through the Arts : Dancing, Singing, Painting, Rapping etc
8)show or renew your commitment
9) Be persistent
10) have a plan or a vow to maintain everything you've worked for.


 
1)Get Spiritual : Fasting & Prayer is very key in getting your lady back. If you're truly serious about a lady and you feel she's slipping away ; the first thing to do is to pray and fast about your situation. As corny, less of a guy or feminine, as it may sound its a fact and it's the right thing to do. In most guys prayer points is : money, money and a lot of money. Only few men get on their knees to say " Father Lord please touch Tinu, Kemi, Ada's heart so she loves me more or Please Lord beg her to forgive me I promise to treat her right this time". Any relationship that has its foundations set on Prayers will last forever. Here are some Bible passages to read or share with your lady that will help or let her know how serious you are about getting her back or being sorry.
-Ecclesiastes 4 : 9 -  two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil
-Ephesians 4:32 ,Colossians 3:12-14, 1peter 3:7 , Genesis 2:18 Philippians 2:2,

2)Admitting to guilt and Deflation of Ego :
Sigmund Freud propounded these concepts( Id , Ego & Super Ego) which in his theory were the foundations of people / persona. The male Ego has its benefits and it's what makes a man strong, aggressive and more of a go getter in life but at the same time is responsible for a mans downfall and loss of important things to him such as love. The Ego clouds a mans judgement and makes him liken himself to a "god" or too close to perfection. Any man who takes a Big Ego into his relationship is not looking for a partner but a subordinate. Admitting to guilt goes a long way with your lady, as African men our culture allows us to dominate or play the role of Alpha in our relationships, if your lady kneels down to serve you food or can't sit at the dinner table with you how would you value her thoughts or admit to guilt. Let's be lovers and partners not lovers and bosses.

(3)Apologize :
The Process by which we try to control the Impressions, Perceptions and views people have of us is called Impression Management (IM).
Apology is at the forefront of impression management. Most times it's very economical and stress-free just to say " I'm sorry"
But as men we try so hard to always be right and keep our ego in check so we don't say " sorry" instead we look for ways to say sorry without saying sorry. I offended you "oya" take this new phone or new bag, I cheated on you "oya" let's go to Paris for summer, or the most famous one " are you hungry?" You cheated and you're asking your girl if she's hungry? We men. Lol
This only compounds the current issues for another day whilst negative perceptions and archetypes are being formed in your lady's mind.

(4)
Eliminate Distractions : suspend your instagram, facebook and Twitter account, Sunday drinks, clubbing etc till you get her back. How do you truly want to apologize to your lady when you're distracted with other women or social activities. The more you go out without her or socialize without her the more justification you'll get from other people about what you did not being wrong. When distractions are present you'll see your breakup as a vacation or time off from your relationship. You'd even wish the fight lasted longer so you could mingle or conquest more.
Some men are happy when they're fighting with their girl because they can claim to have cheated during the fight. Eg "we weren't together when it happened"

(6) Be Persistent:
Positive and Negative reinforcements In psychology are the foundations of learning. They serve as rewards, punishments and reminders of what to do and what not to do.
Some Nigerian guys will be like: " shebi I've begged you ? What's your own sef? You want me to spend all my time begging, abeg go"
Women enjoy being chased, doted over, pampered, wooed after a mistake has been made and an apology has been offered don't say I took you to dinner once let's be cool again. Persistence and patience are key. This is her chance to show you I'm the Boss and I won't be taking you back so easy.

(7) show or renew your commitment :
Why do a lot ladies leave a relationship after their feelings have been hurt? Or things aren't moving in their way? Studies have shown that these are a few of those reasons
I) trust is lost
II) there's no moving forward from here
III) he won't change
Iv) I'm wasting my mind and body
V) he'll never leave that SideChick

Showing a new commitment gets old after 3 or 4 mistakes, will you go and buy a chain? Promise ring? Pendant? every time you cheat?? New commitments, vows, promises come once in a while and should be from the heart.
Some Men have an attachment syndrome with ladies they are involved with, they sometimes keep a lady around or beg a lady not to leave, buy her promise rings or engagements rings when they know they don't have plans for her. They don't have plans for her but don't want to see her with anyone else.
Showing commitment can be seen as renewing your rent or dstv!. proposing or asking your girl out again shows I want you and I want us to start fresh. It's like you're changing the oil in your car

(8) Treat her :
-Would you believe the Hypothesis that Nigerian men are more romantic than South African men?
-Nigerian men spoil their women more than westerners?
-Do Nigerian men write poems or sing to their ladies?
-Will a Nigerian man willingly wear matching colors on Valentine's Day with his girl?
-will a Nigerian give his lady his password for peace and love?
These studies haven't been carried out but we can make assertions or predictions of the possible outcomes of this research.
Some men see treating their lady as a burden, Valentine's Day as nightmare, roses as a waste.
A personal story : " a friend of mine once bought her boyfriend of 2 years 2 dozen roses and he got so upset saying can we plant or eat this? What am I going to use this for? You should have bought me recharge cards instead or paid for the wifi"
A man with this mentality won't know how to treat his lady when she's upset. Most African men show love or care through strength or aggression.

(9) Go out of your comfort zone to apologize:
Every woman knows what her man Hates and favors,  likes and dislikes, does and don'ts. Going out of your comfort zone to show your remorse goes a long way and shows how selfless you are.
You live in Lekki and your girl lives in iju/ ogba/ Maryland and you're fighting but instead of going to her house to say sorry you're thinking 3rd mainland bridge traffic? Petrol? Premiership match you may miss ;then you're not sorry. Saying sorry via four naira text message doesn't count.
Do something that will dazzle her in your quest to get her back.

10)
Have a plan, vow or a schema to maintain everything you worked for :
Tips 1-9 are all said and good but to some people,this is unrealistic for the men in their clime I.e Nigerian men
All the sorries, gifts, flowers, chocolates, private trips won't do anything if there's no plan or commitment not to repeat the previous mistakes.
Ladies I think I'm sorry shouldn't be enough anymore only if it's an " I'm sorry" with a plan to try to stay away From previous mistakes.

Read more articles on @joroolumofin page on Instagram.
Email : JoroMofin@gmail.com

114 comments:

Adaobilinda her sexcellency said...

Guys over to u

Charles Okafor said...

No gal.. So no need















Enugu's second shoe designer

Davido's driver said...

Who gf dun epp?

Adebayo Charles #Arsenalfcshareholder said...

Story

Linda Boyfriend said...

Ambassadorial tips

uche ekwulugo said...

Mtchewwwwww!



AJ MAIN BOY...

Uju Phil said...

Lmoa at "how yoruba boys dress ..."

YOUNGBUHARI said...

11.. Stop gate crashing every wedding, who knows? Your girlfriend might return to you.

Anonymous said...

ok




meenah_wakil on instagram

Anonymous said...

Wow.... Coming from a Nigerian man. Lovely

Anonymous said...

Very nice concept.

Anonymous said...

Lmao @ 5 naira sms

Anonymous said...

Very good read. Nigerian me. Should be forced to read this.

CherishD said...

Enter your comment..
Nice tips. Very Nice. This guy is wise nd smart.

Anonymous said...

It's unfortunate that most African men don't believe in sorry.

Anonymous said...

God bless you for this post linda

LAURAAUJ KAHI said...

nice.

Anonymous said...

Some guys will be asking you have u eaten instead of saying sorry. Shior

Anonymous said...

Nice pictures, lovely writeup

Nseabasi Ekpo said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm very interesting

Nseabasi Ekpo said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm very interesting

Nseabasi Ekpo said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmm very interesting

Vivian Reginalds said...

Linda mkn money snc 2000
-D great anonymous now as Vivian Reginalds

Anonymous said...

God bless the man the man that wrote this. Nice to know that men with such mindset still exist.

Ndubisi Tochukwu said...

i think they need to give me 10 tips on how to get my GF back after valentines cos im definitely not making up now.

#LibBadBoy

Ngozi Ebere said...

To whom it may concern

Anonymous said...

Omg that first picture killed me. More like Igbo men sha

Anonymous said...

Hey my man is back

Olaaliu said...

Only if u want her back

Anonymous said...

I need that teddy in my life. Linda take note

DashenDuch said...

no tips on how to get my man back?
joro pls come to my rescue

Anonymous said...

The flamboyant Doc

Pearlie said...

This is really nice..guys hope you have learnt.

Anonymous said...

I love the prayer part. Very key

Anonymous said...

This is one of this guys best writes so far. I'm loving this

Anonymous said...

This is a must read. Nice articles

Anonymous said...

Olumofin brothers my Favourite brothers

Tundebrown Ademuyiwa said...

Sagamaje ni gbogb eleyi

Anonymous said...

This guy is still alive shaaa Loool

Anonymous said...

I wish my boyfriend can read this. He will be doing like as if if he tells me he's sorry the world will come to an end

Anonymous said...

This applies to both men and women. Sorry is very important.

Anonymous said...

Keep your head up

Anonymous said...

Now singing* is it too late now to say sorryyyyyyyy

Anonymous said...

Lovely

Anonymous said...

Which naija guy will apply all these now????? Unrealistic to me

Anonymous said...

Words of the wise ....

@MEETDREALEVANS® said...



PARENTAL ADVISORY
^^^Adult Content^^^





Very poor advertorial, is it everybody d has a problem with their relationship....


Even if dey do....


How many want to get them back

Anonymous said...

On point! Thank you

Anonymous said...

Preach!

Anonymous said...

If only they would listen.

Anonymous said...

Joro Olumofin I love your work and the way you carry your self

Anonymous said...

Nice

NaijaDeltaBabe said...

Story. Lol


...merited happiness

Anonymous said...

If I hear say Nigerian men pray..lol

Anonymous said...

Ondo Mighty Olumofins

Anonymous said...

Lol I love the Yoruba boys meme

Anonymous said...

You wont get me back looking like a hitman. Wasup with the open chest and hair? Its kinda scary

Anonymous said...

True ralk

Anonymous said...

Joro go and marry hissss

Anonymous said...

I just love

Anonymous said...

Did this guy write this??

I tire o

Anonymous said...

Great job

Anonymous said...

This is dope

Anonymous said...

Lovely

Anonymous said...

Who is gonna do this for me now

Anonymous said...

South African guys would even beat u up when they are wrong

Anonymous said...

This is coming at the right time

Anonymous said...

This is so lovely

Anonymous said...

Aww...nice

Anonymous said...

I love this guy

Adaobiora.peace@gmail.com said...

Wash.....

Anonymous said...

If he is like this pls come an marry me

Anonymous said...

This is really impressive coming from a guy

Anonymous said...

That first picture. My Igbo brothers where are u? Come and claim your right

GALORE said...

Enter your comment...OK...Mr "Mogbomoya" u expect me to read this long epistle, when u as a man has no value for Women?



Gerarahere



@Galore

Anonymous said...

Na wa ooo. So u can quote bible and still spit venom. Heaven forbids u. Practice what u preach.

Anonymous said...

Naija guys and premier league. Sorry can wait till football season is over

Jamila Shaibu said...

Alright

chioma jacinta said...

Long reading. * it's well*

Anonymous said...

I hope men are reading this. Swallow that pride biko

swt b said...

Linda where she go b4?

Anonymous said...

Enter your comment...tanx 4 dat I wich all men could turn a new leaf cos dey keep repeating same and pretend 2 b sorry

Nenyechi said...

Okay

PrincePrinceHabibi said...

Ugly ass shoes. Too damn ugly. His taste for shoes are wack.

Anonymous said...

lmao what is this trash

Maureen Mordi said...

Oluwa provide a val oh

Anonymous said...

How much were you paid to post this trash?!?!

Juliet Iwuno said...

Issokay seen, thanks for sharing. Linda take note!

Anonymous said...

Idiot wey dey abuse woman naim dey get woman back? Anyone who marries this one is on a long thing o. Just get ready to be abused.

Bibian Obunse said...

Lol...

Anonymous said...

Tanks so much 4 dat cos most guys dose nt even knw what it takes 2 b n a relationship they act as boss nt minding d girl part nd also feel nd at d same tym dey repeat same mistake pretending 2 b sorry

Adejoke fasasi said...

Not interested


#Hajia Mufliat

Anonymous said...

Tanks 4 d post guys keep repeating same mistake nd pretend 2 b sorry all n d name of so love

Anonymous said...

on point

otee elizabeth said...

Nice

Mentor said...

Tell him to shut the hell up. Ode! that thing that has no regards for women, maybe what he wanted to say was how to degrade women with senseless vulgar rants.

Reign said...

Whoever wrote this article try. This fellow truly know what the time is. Brother nothing do you at alllll.

Otunba 411 said...

How silly no research done. It's a well known fact that igbo people are the Bulls attracted to red so if u must tagg it say igbo dressing

Anonymous said...

Please who will take advice from this misogynistic chauvinistic egotistical pig??? Joro please put yourself in the bin. DO us alllll a favour and bin yourself. Scum

Samuel Osemwenkha said...

This is Nigeria's problem instead of you people to focus more on transforming the impending misfortune of dis country . U there talkin trash prodding guys to use their resources in impressing girls . Getting them pregnant and adding to the massive population,

Anonymous said...

Na wa o! And who says he may want to get her back any where near valentine when men dey run. Abeg yarn us better tori. You don officially apologise to Gbemi? Na wetin I wan hear be that

BAJ said...

funny title...
how to get t ur girl back this Valentine.

abeg, all dis guys here make una talk true make devil shame,
una wan learn how to get ur girl back this valentine abi na
HOW TO GET YOUR GIRL BACK AFTER VALENTINE?

TALK TRUE O

Eddy Ogbunambala said...

Very interesting article

Anonymous said...

His choice of shoes though. Always hilarious. Oloshi.

Ichebi Christian said...

Verily not interested

Jenny Kalu said...

THAT PIC ABOUT YORUBA GUYS GOT ME LAUGHING

Anonymous said...

Mchetwwwww,relationship expert. Oshi!! If he can insult a woman like that what puts him in the position to give advice on relationships? Oponu *shakes bumbum out of post*

Anonymous said...

Are you a learner? Getting her back this valentine means I will be spending money. Who told you I want to get her back this time around? What made you think our quarrel wasn't deliberate? I will apply the tips when valentine is over. Thank you.

chinelo okafor said...

Then after the Val gini emezia? Okwa April Fool on the Feb.

keke driver said...

Ain't tryna get Her back now till after Valentine.

oh-G said...

Someone needs to see this

Eazzy Baby said...

Lolz

Anonymous said...

Gosh so someone will still marry this clown of a boy last last?

Anonymous said...

Anyman dat does this. Goes to fight for a girl that another man is already chopping, is a very big fool and a loser.. girls are everywhere looking for husband up and down.. on to the next one.. that man arms she ran into, himself will chop, clean mouth and move..

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