The only way to marry my girl is to quit smoking, but I can't do that! | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog





Thursday, 31 March 2011

The only way to marry my girl is to quit smoking, but I can't do that!

My girlfriend says she will only marry me on the condition that I quit smoking. The problem is, I've been smoking for 19 years and I don't know how to quit. But I love her so much and I don't want to loose her, so what do I do? Should I pretend to quit? But for how long can I carry on with the charade, because sincerely, quitting is not an option for now.
Sincerely, Mike.

I think with men, it's either you take them the way they are or you leave them. It's difficult to change a man. Not impossible, just difficult. Over to you guys, Mike needs your advice.


Anonymous said...

My Brother from a different mother! There comes a time in everybodies life where we are faced with only 2 options to choose from. Making the right chioce at that time determines how one will live the rest of his life. Choose wisely!!!

sexy said...

linda, u have a point there. i totally agree wit u. she should either live wit it or forget it. simple! cos it's actually really dificult to change guys.

Anonymous said...

I guess this is one of the most difficult habits to drop.This must be a very difficult period for u, i must say but considering the situation, all u have to do is to sincerely sit ur girl down and talk to her about how u feel doing this. Let her know u intend to drop it but it' s going to be a gradual process, she should just be patient with u and help u conquer it. If she really loves u and wants u, she will stay with u and help u fight and defeat the habit.
Don't forget to also put this in prayers.
I strongly believe u can do it.

Amebo1 said...

All the guy needs is a nicotine remedy. It should be available in Nigeria too. See your medical doctor and he will sort you out. A nicotine patch can do wonders.

If it is 'Igbo' or Indian hemp that you really smoke then go to a rehab.

Anonymous said...

Tough call!

What do i say? I'm in similar shoes! But one thing i know is that you've gott quit......maybe not now but one day.

I've discovered that ladies most times dont tell you to quit bcos they love you that much, but its simply bcos that you might look more handsome and presentable when you stop..... and you ladies should beware that when he stops and he's looking all Vin Diesel-like (sorry Linda), you wont be the only one finding him attractive.

My advice to the women, encourage him to stop, but dont make him do it. He'll be doing it for you and woe betide you if you piss him off.

Instead of telling him that you wont kiss him if he smokes, tell him you'll give him a big kiss if you works out for 40mins. When he starts and his heart rate is shooting up, his breathing is laboured and his stamina is failing him, he'll note what tobacco is doing to his masculinity and he'll start making efforts on his own to TRULY stop.

Anonymous said...

When you accept a man for who he is that is when he will change and love you more. Giving a man condition will not change him but makes him pretend to marry you. After that, unleash the dragon.

It is because of your ego that is why you cannot do it. You want to avoid a situation whereby she will say I told him to quit smoking and he obeyed.

Aside marriage, you know smoking is dangerous to your health. Join force with her and quit.

DIDI said...

My Brother,this is what i call a MAKE or BREAK situation,lets faces this squarely,U have been smoking for 19years and its impossible to stop all @ once,i repeat here is what u can do,try talk to your girl about the steps u want to take to quitting..which is to reduce the smoke rate by the day coz my guy once again if U try stop at once,u would be digging ur own grave coz U gonna hurt yourself..Try eat alot of BANANAS as u reduce the smoke coz U going to have some reactions when the body isn`t getting the usual smoke limit..The BANANAS are going to act as Anti-Depressants...hope u find this helpful..

Anonymous said...

I think it will be easier for someone to drop a habit if it is not something they want to do for themselves. Quitting smoking is very difficult. I will advise you to educated yourself about the risks of smoking and how that will impact your life. When you decide to wanting to live a healthier life then quitting will be easier for you to do. Quitting because somebody else wants you to might not be very successful. Do it for yourself not for anyone else.


My young man, the things that matters most should not be at the mercy of things that matters less, you either quit smoking & marry her or marry your smoking stick(s) & lose your girl, ... oya! choose one!

gbo gbo bigz girlz said...

habits are difficult to change especially smoking..if she really loves you then she shouldnt give you options

Take me for example,my hubby started smoking before i met him and i love him dearly..I've learnt to accept him the way he is..I can only pray and help him stop not forcing him..He is trying and i really applaud him for that..I worry about his health sometimes but i still love him like crazy!!

My advice to the guy: Choose wisely, anyone who will be ur wife has to love u totally and accept u the way you are (flaws and all)!!

My advice to the girl: Love is 80% tolerance

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Guy, i think it is a difficult task. there a few things to do in this situation and they are as follows:
Try and let the GIRL know that it is not going to be easy, and if she wants you to quit, she would have to help you.
secondly you try the reduce the amount of cigarettes you have a day.
After a couple of weeks, start chewing nicotine gum. I've seen a couple in Nigeria.
I am not saying it will work, but if she is worth it give it a try.

Anonymous said...

OK, can you marry a man that smokes 40 sticks a day? I can never do that.

I used to smoke but I just woke up and gave it up one day. I was never an addicted cigarette smoker.

So there some people that are not as addicted as they assume they are. It is all in the brain.

He should try and become Born Again, it takes away addiction most times.

Anonymous said...

There are a lot of ways to make your smoking cessation easy. Visit a pharmacy and ask for nicotine replacement patches, chewing gum, lozenges etc. unfortunately i cannot recommend any pharmacy but if they do have one, the staff should be helpful in teaching you about proper usage.
this way it shouldnt be as difficult than just stopping one day.

Anonymous said...

Quitting smoking for men is like losing weight for women. Ladies tell me if its that easy to lose weight, then i'll quit smoking right this moment!

Kay said...

Linda, please tell Mike to read this web page:

Mike, the critical issue here is not about the girl, the real issue is about your life span. Infact, the girl wants you to stop because she is afraid that smoking will cut down on your life span!

Smoking is associate with over 24 diseases. I may not know what smoking addicts are going through, but one thing I know, that GOD has given each one of us the power of choice to decide on what to do and what NOT to do again, as well as the IRON WILL to back up our decisions.

If you can believe, all things are possible unto him who BELIEVES.

The only two things that can stop you from smoking is you and GOD.

Anonymous said...

If someone is not willing to change then its almost impossible to change the perfect thats where u either live with it or leave same as whatever that is worth having is worth fighting for if the person is willing to be fought for. On that note bro u can't serve two masters as a time if u love her as much as u claim then I think it will be the easiest choice u will ever make, if its not hurting then its not a scarifice

kuchi kuchi said...

@ anonymous 8:56pm those patches dont work jare jor,in a yl you'll start feeling funny(got it for a friend before long he was like he wanted to die if does'nt smoke the real thing) this thing is a spirit

chichiluv said...

Dude, quit for your health and not for a chick! Smoking causes Emphysema, Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Cancer of the Esophagus etc. Do not lie to her, she will smell it on you, if you love your life, if you love her then take steps to quit gradually. I smoked for the same amount of years as you did but I quite cold turkey, it's going on 14 months. You start first by not smoking when you do certain activities, if you used to smoke when you talk on the phone, try to do it without etc. Just take gradual steps because it is tough but I am sre you can do it if you want is all about will power and determination!

nathanael "globalistic" said...

My brother, "CHANGE" is a universal constant law. Let us face de fact...
Firstly, you love her so much.
Secondly, you want to marry her.
Thirdly, you've been in this smoking business for d past 19years.
I think Min. Of Health should applause u for a job well done. As for your partner, u just need to stop thru gradual process i.e if u were finishing two packets a day, u may reduce it to ten sticks...until u stop permanently.

Shakara said...

nathanael "globalistic" - your last sentence is key.

I smoked for 12 years and i stopped by gradually cutting down. It got to a stage where i struggled to finish smoking one. Then finally, just a puff irritated the hell out of me. I knew it was the end. I stopped in December 1999 and i've not looked back since.

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